There was a time when I embarrassed easily. I couldn’t say nipple without turning three shades of red, a public foible would send me into hiding for a week, and I shudder to think about how gym class showers traumatized me. Those times are long ago and far away now. Since then, I have given birth, potty-trained a toddler, and showered in the men’s locker room. I am officially immune to embarrassment, which came in handy on a fall day not so long ago.
I had decided to take advantage of a perfectly pleasant fall evening by dining on the outdoor deck at O’Charley’s. My California Chicken Salad was delicious and the imp stayed seated for (mostly) the entire time. We even got to feed the fish some of rolls in the lake below. The imp was starting to get rambunctious so I decided to call it a lunch day. She took off toward the door and I quickly followed in pursuit…for a few seconds, that is.
Much to my chagrin, my heel became wedged between two deck planks and I was rendered immobile. All eyes were on me. I know that sometimes it feels like everybody is staring at you, and they’re really not, but this was not one of those times. Everybody was staring at me. I could hear the women at a table nearby debating whether my shoe would be ruined. I tugged on it as gracefully as possible (which means not gracefully at all) for what seemed like forever.
A million thoughts were running through my mind…what if I never got free…I was going to miss the season premier of ‘The Office’ in a week…my ‘Empire Falls’ book was just starting to get good…maybe somebody could bring it to me while I waited on the deck…could a carpenter take care of this problem? Going home with only one shoe was not an option. I follow a strict ‘No Shoe Left Behind’ policy. I eventually tugged my shoe free. I heard sighs of relief all around me, and one guy actually clapped. I did a quick semi-curtsy and then remembered that I had a child on the loose.
I proceeded cautiously into the restaurant and found the imp running giddy circles around the bar shouting, “Mommy, where are you?” I did a quick retrieve and escape maneuver and fled to the safety of my car. I’m not afraid to go back. I can even still say O’Charley’s without turning red. But I’ll be sure to wear flats the next time around.
Thanks for this information, it’s good to know. For a while I wondered whether you might be a follower of Imelda Marcos. You were probably a child yourself when she became famous for her shoe collection. Shoe-mad shopaholic didn’t seem to fit with the charming and humorous blogger that I’ve gotten to know here.
Yes, I have heard of her; no, I’m nothing like her (or Carrie Bradshaw). Books are my shopping weakness, not shoes.
May I just say, having seen photos and having had the opportunity to imagine this scene as you’ve painted it here, that probably a near-majority of those diners in your ‘audience’ were staring at you not just because of your footwear predicament, but also because of your striking beauty? I too would have heartily applauded your ‘semi-curtsy’.
Aw shucks, mister, you really are too kind!
This had me rolling the first time I read it, and it did the same thing again this morning. my favorite line – “my empire falls book was just starting to get good..”
The book turned out to be great– glad I was able to finish it!
I was wondering why you came up with such an unusual name for your blog–that’s ingenious!
Of course I don’t wear heels, but I’d have probably done the same thing–since it would be even more embarrassing to leave the shoe behind, and walk away barefoot!
Since then, I’ve become a big proponent of ballet flats. I’m guessing you don’t have a pair of those either.
I just found your blog and enjoyed reading it.
We seem to share a similar sense of humour, I look forward to reading new posts/
I am trying to post-a-week but not succeeding very well
Great to find you
Dee
Thank you! And regarding the post-a-week challenge, I’m taking it as more of a suggestion than a mandate– takes the pressure off
I just stumbled across your blog and you crack me up! I actually AM an Imelda Marcos wannabe, although the need to clothe two children puts a serious dent in that goal. So I satisfy myself with chocolate (dark) and writing (Fried Oreo blog and romance novels). Keeps my brain and taste buds busy. Terrific blog–I’ll be sure to keep reading!
I think our kids keep us grounded as far as shoe expenditures go. College savings vs. shoe collection. It’s a constant debate. And oh how I love to hear you speak of (dark) chocolate.